Red vs. Blue Episode
"Why Are We Here?"
Episode no. 1

Why Are We Here? is the first episode of the Red vs. Blue. The episode introduces Sarge, Grif, Simmons, Tucker and Church who fight in a big boxed canyon called "Blood Gulch".



(pan up from the ground to the top of a base. A soldier in maroon and a soldier in orange are talking)
Simmons: Hey.
Grif: Yeah?
(cut to Simmons)
Simmons: Do you ever wonder why we're here?
(cut to Grif)
Grif: It's one of life's greatest mysteries, isn't it? I mean, are we a product of some cosmic coincidence, or is there really a God watching everything? You know, with a plan for us and stuff. I don't know, man. But it keeps me up at night.
(cut to Simmons)
Simmons: ....
(cut to Grif)
Grif: ...
(cut to Simmons)
Simmons: What? I mean, why are we out in this big boxed canyon... and, wait, what was all that stuff about God?
Grif: Oh, uhh, nothing.
Simmons: You wanna talk about it?
Grif: No.
Simmons: I mean, what's the point of being out here in this big boxed canyon. We have a base, the Blues over there have a base. If the Blues decide to take over this base here, then they'll have TWO bases in the middle of a boxed canyon. Whoopdie-Fucking Doo. I mean, there's no way in or out of this canyon, so what's the point.
Grif: Why are we fighting other humans anyway? I signed up to fight aliens, and as soon as I get here, Master Chief blows up the whole Covenant armada, and then I'm stuck in this stupid little canyon fighting a bunch of stupid Blue guys.
(Zoom into two Blue guys with one holding a sniper rifle)
Tucker: What are they doing?
Church: Huh?
Tucker: What are they doing, now?
Church: God dammit Tucker, you've asked that question 16 times in 10 minutes. They're doing the same thing they've been doing the last time you asked me: They're standing there and talking. That's all they fucking ever do.
(cut to Tucker)
Tucker: ...
(cut to Church)
Church: ...
(cut to Tucker)
Tucker: What are they talking about?
(cut to Church)
Church: You know what. I fucking hate you.
Tucker: Hey, I have a question for you.
Church: Yeah?
Tucker: Why do we still still not have reinforcements?
Church: Huh?
Tucker: I mean, Captain Flowers died because of a heart attack weeks ago. Shouldn't we have reinforcements by now?
Church: Oh yeah. I'll call command.
(Church's radio comes on)
Church: Hello command, this is Blood Gulch Outpost Alpha.
(another voice comes through the radio)
Vic: Hello, dude. This is Vic. What can I doodly-do-do for you dude?
Church: Vic? Yeah, I was wondering about the reinforcements I called you about the other day. When are they coming?
Vic: Blood Gulch Outpost Alpha? Oh, yeah, your reinforcements should be there in a few days.
Church: Okay, thanks Vic.
Vic: No problem-o dude.
(Cut to Simmons and Grif)
Grif: I'm telling you, it's a waste of resources. We should be out there, finding new forms of life, and, you know, fight them.
Simmons: Yeah, no shit. That's why we should be put in charge.
Sarge: Hey ladies, front and center on the double. No more gossiping.
Grif: Fuck.
Simmons: Yes, sir!
(Simmons and Grif run down the ramp, cut to Tucker and Church)
Church: Hey, they're... leaving?
Tucker: Really?
Church: Yeah, let's go to our base too.


  • Simmons says the first line of the series.
  • Tucker and Vic are the only people to have their names said in the episode.
  • When Grif and Simmons are talking, certain camera angles show Tucker and Church easily.
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