Why Are We Here is the first episode of Red vs. Blue: Reliving Blood Gulch. It aired August 3rd only a day after the early trailer.
- Sarge (RBG)
- Dexter Grif (RBG)
- Dick Simmons (RBG)
- Franklin Delano Donut (RBG)
- Lopez (RBG)
- The Puma (RBG)
The Episode begins at Blue Base with Church explaining everything. "And thats how I know who they are, how they act, and what not." "So you want me to believe you are a fragment of an A.I. who is reliving the events of the original A.I. whose memories you have..." Tucker said. "Yeah... pretty much I guess." "Dude.... did you eat all the food? It sounds like this is the junk food talking again. And we all remember what happened last time. 'No Captain Flowers didn't die of a heart attack I killed him' blah blah blah." "Tucker shut the fuck up. Caboose are you following any of this?" Church asked hopefully as this was his tenth time repeating himself. "Uhm yea.... you are saying that you are a computer and that we are all in your game." Caboose said hoping to get Church happy. Church sighed, "You know what. Thats as close as I'll get with you I'm sure. Yes Caboose thats exactly it." "I knew I won. Next level." Caboose said. "Alright Church I think your getting as fucking dumb as Caboose." Tucker said getting annoyed with the two.
"Alright boys listen up" Sarge said, We are having a very special guest show up at our base soon. Hes a Special Forces Soldier from some program called Freelancer. We don't know when hes coming but we know its within the week. I want this base spick and span when he gets here. "Alright sir!" All the soldiers said in unison. "So Lopez ready to start talking?" Grif asked, "No thats cool.... but you've not said a word since we've been here. You didn't even vote on what to call the Warthog..." "Puma dirtbag" Sarge interrupted. "Right the "Puma"." Grif said. Simmons leaned in closer to Sarge "Should we tell him that Lopez can't speak yet sir?" "No Simmons I think we should give Lopez a chance to build hatred towards Grif." Sarge responded. "So guys I think we should..." Donut began. "No." Everyone said in unison. "throw a party to celebrate The Puma's name..." Donut continued. "No." Everyone repeated. "And we could invite all sorts of guys and just have some fun!" "NO!" Everyone else shouted. Then Sarge began, "Dount. As shitty of an idea as that was. I think we should celebrate. What better way than to attack those dirty Blues. Maybe if we kill one we can impress this Freelancer fellow." "Shotgun!" Simmons yelled. "Shotgun fuck!" Grif yelled a second later. "Wait... how do I get there?" Donut said. "Why Donut don't you remember? I installed a Jetpack onto the back of your armor last week." Sarge said. "Oh yeaaaa... right." Donut said. "How come Donut gets a Jetpack and we don't get anything?" Grif asked. "Well Grif Donut doesn't have a place on The Puma... and he showed me how to glaze a Donut." "Oh god please stop!" Grif said.
"What the hell O'Malley?!" Tex asked. "Of course Tex. You know I always find a way back to you. Freelancer Command should have known I'd just teleport back into you as soon as you'd killed her." Wha? Killed who?" "Don't tell me you forget things when with me. I don't want to be the brain of the team. Mwuhahahaha!" Omega said then laughing. Tex looked down. Oh god. Not Montana. She thought. "Hannah, no" Tex whipsered. "Oh come now. I can't have my host being weak. How will I take over the world then?" he asked. "You won't you bastard." Tex said. Then she remembered something she found in F.I.L.S.S.'s files. This was the day before she was sent to Blood Gulch as a punishment for what she had done to Montana. This was the day before the end of her life as she knew it. Oh god no! She thought. I can't go back there. "I have no clue what you are thinking about? You've never visited Blood Gulch." Omega said. York got up. "Damn it my eye. What the fuck Tex this is only supposed to be a training session! Why bring out live weapons?" Then he came to a conclusion. "You just wanted Omega back didn't you?" he looked down at the bloodied mess of torn metal and blood. "Oh god Montana." he whipsered. "Look York I need your help. It'll be hard to explain but your the only one whom I can trust. I'll tell you on the way if you help me." "Tex... I- I can't. I need to call Command. Tex" he lifted his Battle Rifle, "I need you to stand down." "Lets kill him" came Omega's raspy voice as he appeared next to Tex. "Agent Texas will deny anything to harm us actually A.I. Unit Omega." Delta said as he appeared on York's shoulder. He looked up to York, "She truly does need our help. This is not just a way to betray us and remove all evidence of what she did to Montana." "Alright Delta, so Tex. You told me you'd tell me why." York said. "Look York. If we can get off this ship then I'll tell you. Until then. Guess you'll just have to help me." York sighed, "I know I'll regret this." Just then several Soldiers come out to apprehend Tex and York. York raises his battle rifle and fires the first shot with the camera focusing on the barrel of his rifle. The screen transitions to the next when he fires the shot changing the screen to white.
"Counselor, please bring up the evidence of Tex and York's carnage." The Director asked frustrated. The Counselor began the footage showing the end of the training session between York and Montana. All of a sudden Tex breaks down the session rooms door armed with two assualt rifles and shoots Montana who attemps to fight back. However her shields are taken down before she gets to cover. Before they recharge Tex throws a grenade throwing York across the room and injuring his eye and killing Montana. They then show Tex and York's agreement as well as the begining of the fight. "What the hell?!" Came the voice of C.T. , "What is York doing siding with that bitch!" "Calm down Coneticut!" The Director yelled at C.T. calling Tex a bitch. "Look your job is not to find out why but to kill both Agents." "Yes sir!" The Freelancer's said. "Dismissed." The Director said. Before looking down. "God damn Tex." "Its fine sir. We both know shes....'special'. She will return to us sooner or later." "You don't understand! I'm trying to give the Alpha what I never had!" "And what sir was that?" "A succsesful relationship with someone I loved." The Director looked down again. Showing a tear.
- Tex was originally going to go through her final adventures before Blood Gulch before the creator decided that because Burnie stated in an interview Tex just wanted to get away from the Blood Gulch Gang that she would rebel and try to avoid being sent to Blood Gulch.
- Donut getting a jetpack is a reference to the episode Nut Doonut in which Donut pretends to have a jetpack.
- Sarge's comment on glazed Donuts is a reference to Sarge's funeral in Season 5 in which Grif made a joke about Donut teaching him about glazed Donuts.
- The Episodes title is a reference to the first episode of Red vs. Blue as well as a reference to Epsilon explaining to Blue Team why they are in there.
|Reliving Blood Gulch|
|Epsilon Tex (RBG)·Omega (RBG)·York (RBG)·Delta (RBG)|
|The Director (RBG)·Counselor (RBG)·Wyoming (RBG)·Gamma (RBG)·Washington (RBG)·C.T. (RBG)|
|Leonard L. Church (RBG)·Lavernius Tucker (RBG)·Micheal J. Caboose (RBG)·Shelia (RBG)|
|Sarge (RBG)·Dick Simmons (RBG)·Dexter Grif (RBG)·Franklin Delano Donut (RBG)·Lopez (RBG)·Puma (RBG)|
|Sniperteam82308's Season 9|