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Episode 1: The Phantom Moron Chapter One: The Jedi Temple

First chapter. (Note: I wanted to use clones, but this is funnier.)


Jedi Knight Leonard Church stared out the viewport of the small starship that was escorting him to the Jedi Temple. Beside him, with his face pressed against the opposite viewport, was his Padawaan, Michael J. Caboose, an idiot in more ways then one.

They were returning to report on their mission on the ice planet, Sidewinder. Caboose had a wound, and Church had a special report to file with Master Flowers, a card-carrying member of the Jedi Council. He would also have to reundevous with Red Team, a group of Jedi in a similar status as Church's blue team.

As the spacecraft landed on a landing platform, Church reached out to the Force, seeking calmness for the headache that was about to unfold.

They landed, and as they disembarked, they saw a dark-skinned Jedi, teal lightsaber ablaze, showing off to some female security guards. Church leaned over to check on Caboose, found him using his budding Force abilities to make his lightsaber float.

As Church gained closer to the dark-skinned Jedi, he ignited his own cobalt-bladed saber. As he drew near, the other Jedi stopped showing off, raised his lightsaber in salute.

"Tucker," Church said as he matched his friend's pace, "how many times do I have to tell you not to show off?"

"Aw, come on," Tucker whined, "you can't complain, with you and-"

"No," Church warned, glancing at Caboose, who was walking closely behind. As they grew nearer, Caboose asked.

"Are we really going to go to the Jedi Temple?"


"Wow. I am so happy to go to- where are we going again?"

Church gave up.

Franklin Donut looked at the holomap that he carried on his personal datapad. He was in the right place. He stilled an inner excitement. He was going to be the Padawan of Sarge, the famous Sith hunter! The famous Jedi had already trained two other Jedi, Dexter Grif and Richard Simmons. And now Donut was going to recieve that famous treatment!

As he opened the door that led to the Red Team Command Center, the was met by two crossed lightsabers. He briefly froze.

The two lightsabers were orange and maroon. Donut activated his own pink blade. He managed to recognize the two combatants. Grif and Simmons! Which one had joined the Dark Side? WHICH ONE?!!

As he listened to the combatants voices, a strange conversation went into place.



Donut cleared his throat. The Jedi froze. They slowly deactivated their lightsabers, faces red. Grif stepped forward, snatched a package of Oreos from Simmons' hands.

It was going to be a long trip.