I Really Hate Adventures is the first episode of Red vs Blue: Sidewinder. It introduces the main characters as well as a fight scene.


The frozen landscape of Sidewinder lies peaceful for a moment, and then a rocket streaks in from nowhere, slamming into the ice. A black-armored Freelancer jumps down, a knife in her other hand. Another white Freelancer jumps down, twin knives flashing, stabbing. The Black Freelancer leaps back.

"Foolish dog," Wyoming said politely as he dodged Tex's blows with ease, "you cannot- AGGHH!" A knife slams into his chest as he topples. Tex stands over him, helmet off, smiling. Wyoming looks up, says, "Another... duplicate. You think you have... defeated me.... you just brought something worse." He keels over, dead. Tex slowly looks up as a smoking meteor topples down, flashing the logo.

After the logo fades away, the screen clears, showing Blood Gulch. The Reds and Blues are clustered around the crashed Pelican, looking at Church, who is talking. "And that's why we have to go back to Sidewinder," he finished looking around.

Grif yawns, and leans back, "So you're telling me you got a distress call from your old base, and now you want to go back?"

"Ummm.. yes."

"Man," Tucker mutters, "why can't we just settle down, you know? We just got back from the assault on O'Malley's fortress and that whole mess with Simmons. What's next, ancient parasites wanting to take over the known universe?"

Long pause, then everyone says, "Nah."

Cut to a Covenant ship floating above Sidewinder. Zoom inside, and a silver Elite watches over the control boards from his throne while Grunts and Jackals scurry about. Another, golden Elite stands by him.

"So," says the Silver Elite, "the safeguards have failed?"

"Indeed," replies the Gold one, "the parasite has begun to infect the planet, and a human ship is heading towards the planet."

"Are you lying to me, Tera'mee?"

"Not at all, Ship Master."

"Hmm," the Ship Master leans back, then stands up again, looking at Tera'mee, "quarantine proceeds as planned. Exterminate all life, including human. It may be a violation of our treatee with the humans, but they will understand the threat of the parasite."

To be continued flashes across the screen...

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