Church, Church, Caviar, Wet Mop was the first episode of Family Blue's Season 2. It was written by Overpaid Government Operative 02:47, October 16, 2011 (UTC).


Tex's wealthy aunt Marguerite Beth comes to visit, but drops dead on their doorstep (much to Church's relief - "Be careful what you wish for, eh, Tex?"). A videotaped message from Aunt Marguerite informs Tex that she has inherited Cheerywood Manor in Newport, Pacific Ocean.

There, they recieve a warm musical welcome from the house's staff, and they perform a song like in the musical Annie. They immediately leave afterwards ("The old bag only paid us up through the song."). Church hires them back after admitting that he sold their former house in Blood Gulch.

Natually, Church has trouble fitting in with the blueblood cluster, while Lopez adapts immeduately to ordering servants around, even commanding two to fight to the death for his amusement. Church begs Tucker to teach him how to be a gentleman. After several attempts through regular methods, Tucker resorts to shock therapy. When Church arrives at a ritzy auction that night, Tex is shocked to see him behaving himself and conserving easily with the upper crust crowd. Unfortunately, he also appears to believe himeself fabulously wealthy, as he nonchalantly bids $100,000,000 for a vase.

Tex demands that they return to Blood Gulch as soon as poosible; she says that she left Newport because it changed people in much the same way that her friends are changing. Tucker is the only one able to snap Church out of his delusion by comparing him to Lando Calrissian and smashing his Star Wars collector's glasses. Although Church returns to reality, he is still $100,000,000 short on covering his auction bid when a representative from the Historical Society comes to collect. After several futile attempts to "prove" that Cherrywood Manor hes enough historical value to cover the bid, Church finds a set of hidden photographs. The pictures show several prominent American figures (including Abraham Lincoln, Robert E. Lee, and Ulysses S. Grant) at Cherrywood enormously valuable, but Church sells one of the pictures to the tabloids to repurchase their old house.

In the end Church no longer cares what Tex's family thinks of him, since her ancestors were nothing more than a bunch of p**** and w*****.

Community content is available under CC-BY-SA unless otherwise noted.